honest adventures of em

Queer. NYC. Plant-Based. Travels.

Never Run Dry

Emma Bengson

 

For all we know

There is a river

Meandering within us

 

There is no constant

The only “constant”

Is change

 

Ebbs and flows

Eroding the shore

The edges crumble

 

But where it is weakened

There is growth

In the deposition

 

We must keep going

Maintaining a calm progression

Throughout the turbulence

 

Never run dry

For where there is a current

There is synchronized evolution

 

 

 

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August 3, 2017

During the month of July, my future all started assembling. The mismatched pieces became more aligned. The “future” is barely the future anymore, as it is all becoming the present moment. I have an internal drive to write — to share my life. But, also, an internal conflict over how I devote my time. Conflicted …

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**Disclaimer: I am okay, this is not a cry for help**

Mental illness is a real, valid aspect of life that many people, on all different walks of life, deal with. I believe the more we talk about it, the more the stigma will be broken down. It’s not a bad or scary thing to talk about. We have to talk about these things.

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself, nor is it as terrifying to ask for help as it may seem. More people deal with this than we realize on a daily basis, since it is, purely, not really talked about. It’s considered taboo (it is not).

BUT we can talk about it, it’s good to talk about it, and always remember you are never alone (even if it feels extremely lonely).

It is never permanent. It is fleeting. It will not last.

 

Sad’s Company

Emma Bengson

 

I am paralyzed in this bed

Shaken up in my head

I somehow I feel everything

And nothing at all

 

The numbness consumes me

This feeling that can’t be

But I can’t start moving

If only I could call

 

If only this slight feeling

Could be but fleeting

Letting me have an escape

To just remember life

 

But it’s stuck by me

Permeated within thee

I can’t escape this spike

Cutting me like a knife

 

Cutting me with the coldness

Abandoning my heartless

Feelings which are nothing

Nothing at all

 

Wondering if the end comes

Voice that are like drums

In my head ringing

And I just fall

 

And I just collapse

Into a ball

Pleading for help

But thinking none will come

 

With every relapse

I swear I will call

Pleading for help

But thinking none will come

 

I promise myself

I will ask for help

But the voices stop me

They plead me to stay

 

For without the sadness

The depression is lonely

It wants my company

And so, I stay

 

(Sidenote:

I did not stay.

I said farewell.)

 

 

 

 

June 18, 2017

Here’s a list of 10 things that have become very apparent to me over the past year: 1. It’s okay to not be okay. Feelings are fleeting. As humans, our emotions are meant to vary and fluctuate. Learn to disassociate the word “negative” when it comes to any emotion. It’s not a “bad” or “negative” thing …

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