honest adventures of em

Queer. NYC. Plant-Based. Travels.

While on our hike, this was a question we were talking about. (And it’s a surprisingly very hard question to answer if you really think about it on a deeper level).

Coming from someone (aka me) who gets anxiety and fearful over many things, many times throughout the day, I thought this should be easy to answer… But when I really thought of it, I’m not scared of anything. No matter what happens, the clock still ticks, and the sun will always rise. The worst case scenario of anything: we die.

Morbid, I know, but it’s a very real process of life. Death is often a topic we hate talking about, but it’s normal. It’s natural. But also very sad (and yes, I know sad is a ridiculous understatement). I’m honestly not scared of my own death, just dreading (which is by far another understatement) the days that the people around me may pass.

But back on the topic… what’s my biggest fear?

In the grand scheme of life: nothing. Because what’s the worst that could really happen? As long as I make it out alive and don’t do harm to anything or anyone, what’s the worst that can really happen? I embarrass myself. I look stupid. I lose a friend. I lose a job. I fail a class. I disappoint. I have to clean up a mess. But is that really a big deal? In my opinion, no. It’s normal and natural for all those things to happen. They can be remedied, and time will always heal.

…But if I had to pick one thing, if I had to pick a biggest fear, it would be getting sucked into the system and only going through the motions of life. My biggest fear would be dying before death comes. I never want to stop living life while my heart is still beating. People get too caught up in money, in materialist items, in the opinions of others, that they die many years before their actual physical death. And that is something I never want to happen.

I’m not afraid of failure, I am not afraid of death. But I am afraid of monotony.

I want to learn new things every day. I want to connect with people. I want to expand my mind. I want to be challenge. I want to be pushed outside of my comfort zone. I want to love and be loved. I want to share ideas with the world. I want to hear other peoples ideas. I want realness. I want rawness.

I want to live an honest life.

 

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