It has been a whirlwind year. This year has been filled with so many ups (and downs), and I have honestly learned more about myself and what I want, as well as what I don’t want, than any other year of my life.
Many life milestones have happened…. Moving to a new country, moving alone, coming out, shaving my head, living in a city, living with a significant other, failing my first college course (yeah… I’m not perfect), finishing my third year of college, solo traveling, etc… (just to name a few of them).
But out of all the external things I have accomplished and done, the most important aspect is that I finally feel like I am becoming comfortable in my own skin. Learning to relax and just be myself. Learning to center & ground myself and become the most authentic version of who I am.
I don’t think anyone can ever know 100% who they are since we are always constantly evolving and changing. BUT we can continue to try and become the most authentic versions of who we believe we are at this given time in our life. I didn’t realized how lost I truly was until I started to find myself this year. I was living a life of trying to be “perfect”… But what even is perfect? I was the quiet girl, the “pretty” girl, getting good grades, stressing and losing my mental health over school, pretending like everything was okay when all I wanted to do was say “I am not okay.” I was too worried about external factors, and in the process of trying to please others and fit this image of “perfection” in my head, I lost myself.
This year I have started to come to terms with many facts about my life and myself. Honestly, the real reason I decided to study abroad in the first place is because I was doing what I know best, which is running away. I have an unfortunate talent of running away from my problems and ignoring them instead facing them.
But for the first time in my life I started facing the things I was scared of and started to really open up and talk about who I am & what I was going through. And surprise, surprise (did you get the sarcasm?) the more I started to open up and talk about things, the more I started to come to terms & accept who I am.
I don’t know if I have ever felt so bittersweet about something in my life before. It’s very difficult having two homes, both around 3,6oo miles apart. No matter where I am at, there is always a part of my heart which is craving the home that is so far away. And let’s be honest… many tears were shed as the time came to return to America, but I know that this next stage in life is inevitable. Coming back home to America is both good and necessary.
This past year I have learned a lot about myself. While this year has been one of the most amazing years of my life, it has honestly been the toughest. Now that I’m home, I don’t think I could have come out of it being any more positive. This past year has impacted my life in the the best ways possible and has reinforced my passions and goals.
And as one thing ends, another adventure begins!
So to end this blog post I will list the top things I am dedicating my energy to this year…
- Focus on my overall physical and mental health. Eat a whole foods & plant-based diet. Add more meditation & yoga to daily routine. Get plenty of sleep.
- Stay present in every moment. Don’t take time for granted.
- Educate myself. Not just in college, but independently. Learn more about health and animal & environmental issues.
- Continue to learn to love myself. Once a person is full of internal love then they can spread it externally.
- Be creative!! Write. Blog. Film. Youtube. Take pictures. Etc.
- And… save up money to move back to Ireland after graduation! 😉